As I sit on a plane, flying to Austin Texas, I prepare to embrace a new me. I prepare to find hope in my grieving and to let go of my negativity.

I am off to Hope Mommies retreat. I found this group on Facebook shortly after loosing Noelle and the “Hope” is Jesus. As I have talked about previously, I have always been spiritual and religious but never fully committed, my faith has always gone through peaks and valleys and since the loss of Noelle I know I have hit the deepest valley but I can see the peaks ahead and I know I can reach them if I let myself. I need to “Let go and Let God”.

My hope for this weekend is to embrace this journey, this path in my life. My hope is to leave this retreat feeling that I can be a better person through Jesus and through my experience. I know that Noelle is with me, I feel her all the time. I used to have a difficult time with that but now I believe and I know she is all around me, everywhere I go. I hope to let her guide me, to let my hope to see her again and to be with her again make me a better person. If she has taught me anything thus far it is the age old saying- it’s not the years in a life but the life in the years. She lived for 32 minutes but no one will ever have a greater impact on my life. She is the best blessing, the best gift from God. And I will see her again.

Let go, Let God.

May I live life to the fullest, feel the sun on my skin, lend a hand to those who suffer and be a friend to those in need. As God sacrificed his only son to make this world a better place, may my daughter Noelle’s suffering not be in vain- may her life lead me to the peaks.