Initial Feelings, Guilt, "Why Me?"

So my initial feelings are all over the place, some may say "normal" grief, but this is the first time in my life dealing with anything that comes even close to this, so I have no idea what to expect. The fact that I haven't dealt with anything like this until this point in my life (I am now 28 years old) makes me think maybe it was my time. Maybe everyone has a tragic story and this is mine. I remember my close friend once saying to me when they were struggling that I wouldn