Noelle's Song

My husband went back to work yesterday. It felt so wrong in so many ways. Being that our pregnancy was so complicated, the last couple months he really hasn't been working. I am a nurse in the ICU and so I could not work at all after the complications really started, so I have not worked in two months. I still cannot go back until the end of January/once I have clearance. I am no where near emotionally ready to come back (probably more physically ready than emotionally ready

I really thought that maybe after the funeral I may be able to start accepting that you are not here, accepting that you are in heaven. But really I find myself questioning it more. Am I lying to myself? Just trying to make myself feel better that you are up in heaven? If you aren't I don't know how I could get through this, how I could go on. I need you to be in heaven, I need to know I will see you again. And I guess everyone has moments in life when their faith is really t