Back to work, back to "normal"

My husband went back to work yesterday. It felt so wrong in so many ways. Being that our pregnancy was so complicated, the last couple months he really hasn't been working. I am a nurse in the ICU and so I could not work at all after the complications really started, so I have not worked in two months. I still cannot go back until the end of January/once I have clearance. I am no where near emotionally ready to come back (probably more physically ready than emotionally ready

Christmas without my baby

This day is already turning out to be harder than I anticipated, and I haven't even gotten out of bed yet! Yesterday my husband and I thought we could wrap presents, bake cookies, stay in our robes all day and just be cozy... Well, I made it through one present before feeling like I was having a breakdown. I spent the majority of the day in a ball on the couch in tears.... the robe part did happen though! We will never be wrapping presents for Noelle. She will never be here t

Questioning where you are

I really thought that maybe after the funeral I may be able to start accepting that you are not here, accepting that you are in heaven. But really I find myself questioning it more. Am I lying to myself? Just trying to make myself feel better that you are up in heaven? If you aren't I don't know how I could get through this, how I could go on. I need you to be in heaven, I need to know I will see you again. And I guess everyone has moments in life when their faith is really t

Her Journey in the Womb- from Conception to Death

I want to start off by telling our story, the ups and downs of our pregnancy with our beautiful first born, Noelle Philomena who was born and passed 12/13/16. I was told that we would have a difficult time conceiving, as I only get my period every 3 months or so. My husband and I decided to throw caution to the wind and see what happens (assuming it would take some time). Well, it only took one try-we were blessed with her as soon as we were ready. As with every child, we kno